2015

I would love a job like that. Just ride around on a giant roomba all day.

It'd get boring after the first 5 mins.

But I'd get to travel in exciting new directions, and work on mobile platforms.

I think after a while, you'd find that your job sucks.

Single-letter variable names that aren't indexes make me angry.

All in favor, say "i".

"Since you will be applying for the L-1 visa under the blanket L visa petition, you will be required to pay a $500.00 fraud prevention and detection fee at the time of your visa interview in the consulate."

Why does it cost $500 to prevent and/or detect fraud?

"Thanks for your $500. We're happy to inform you that you are being defrauded right now"

The other day as we walked past the CornX I tried to remember where Support was, and failed.

JIRA was at the end of the upper floor

Support moved to where Confluence was.

Founders were at the other end of the upper floor, near the kitchen

And I replaced the hand soap in the gents with maple syrup.

... wait, what?

Turns out that spilling water on your mac keyboard does surprisingly little damage to it.

1221`qw1234qwerawesewe3q2w3eq2e3aqw2e3`

q1w2e3q1r3123qAQSWqawsawsqw4321254321w qwertrewqwer5trewq45643245e321` 12345654321`erew5`1234tr

^ cat typing.

(In Vietnam): I get some kind of three-hour delay when logging in; whatever time it is for me, it’s three hours later for you.

It would take some advanced planning to play with a 3-hour lag.

YOUR BOSS… in about 180 minutes.

PULLING IN 10800, 10799, 10798…

Every time I see that hostname, I wonder about in-ear Atlassians.

Atlassian does not discriminate; it wants to promote a rich diversity of men, women, various races and creeds, and of course, brain slugs.

Build with heart and brain slugs.

I think they should rename the "All Hands" meetings though. It's a bit insensitive.

Shouldn’t you be in Poland?

No, I’m in the other Poland. The one in Asia.

Pho-land?

That one.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-18/baby-punched-in-face-at-central-railway-station-in-sydney/6556818

WTF!?

"This reminds me of one of Chris Mountford's ShipIt projects to add incentivisation to contributing bugfixes for a project via BitCoin."

lol. “JIRA’s two Sydney architects are going to be on leave together. I mean: concurrently.”

Surely as architects, they should know how to handle concurrency?

Spuddy has a great plan for how he and Mark can be on leave concurrently, and we should be able to deliver it in 2025.

Ugh. I always feel nervous before presentations and they're never as bad as anticipated.

Just imagine everyone is naked, then imagine that HR come to take you away for perving at naked people, then you go to jail, then stop imagining and the reality won't seem so scary.

Meanwhile, we're watching The Flash, and the entire premise of this episode is

I'M COVERED IN ROBOT BEES

I'm not sure if Carl's second line was a continuation of that sentence or an urgent change of topic.

Should we contact the authorities?

"HELLO 911?" "My friend Charles somewhere in SF is covered in robotic bees!"

The dress code is "Cocktail attire".

You have to dress up as a drink?

"I'm here as a Bloody Mary."

"I'm here as a cocksucking cowboy."

FUCKING 2FA

"Before you get into bed with me, please verify your identity using this mobile app..."

"Someone, maybe you, has requested access to sleep with this person. Please reply to confirm your intentions or ignore if you did not request this."

"IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING NASTY!"

That something nasty could be a man in the middle... attack.

Awesome, got an upgrade.

Been using old ass gloves.

Hand gloves are better.

Ass gloves are called “undies”.

I was thinking…

I don't pay you to think.

You don't pay me.

That's what I said.

I’m doing a quest that requires me to assassinate a tree. I feel kind of bad about it.

Maybe it’s a bad tree…

…with a shady past.