I came up with an idea for JIRA integration with Skyrim. If you get an issue, an NPC runs up and says “Person X needs a VPN. I would do it myself, but I took an arrow to the knee.” Then you get conversation options with template responses.
2011
furgin logic
furgin:
rhastie, please fix ABC streaming.
rhastie:
I think we found the problem. Some people are using work resources for non-work related things which is slowing down the network.
furgin:
Fire them so I can listen to the cricket.
I married this chick from the college who now lives with me in Whiterun. I slept with her for the first time. It says “You wake up feeling your lover’s embrace” and I look in the corner… and Lydia is sitting on the chair watching me sleep with my wife.
I guess we wiped…
-!- clepetit [clepetit@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- slappybag [rthomas@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- nathan-022 [nwilson@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- chrisdarroch [Adium@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- fullets [fullets@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- Meliae [Meliae@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- furgin [mjensen@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
-!- dennilan [dennilan@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
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-!- hinch [mhunter@140561f4.net.hmsk] has quit [User has been banned]
Swoon:
BONE STORM!
Big Plans…
clepetit:
For our next PR stunt we should construct a giant Minecraft-styled Charlie on top of the building.
Carlfish:
We should construct a 20-storey Mecha Charlie and let it loose on the city.
slappybag:
Then Gamera will come and save the day!
clepetit:
Then tell people to log all the destruction in JAC
clepetit:
“As a CBD resident, I would like my balcony returned to it's normal location - attached to the rest of my apartment”
Carlfish:
“As a resident of the North Shore, I would like the smoke from the burning ruins of the CBD to blow some other direction.”
Mary Sue
denni:
denni, I used “play precompile”.
denni:
Oops. Furgin, I used “play precompile”.
Jirra:
Jirra, nice shirt!
furgin:
furgin, you’re awesome.
If you need string, gunpowder, bones, arrows or rotten flesh, head on down to the base of the skymasher and collect what you like.
Crossed Wires
Lolzcat:
I’ll never drink hot coffee again
Jedi:
I’m going to hold you to that Lolzcat
JirraOnDemand:
Jedi just wants to hold Lolzcat
Jedi:
how can you expect me to achieve my goals when you keep exposing them, JirraOnDemand?
* Lolzcat
hides.
Carlfish:
Stop exposing Jedi!
* Lolzcat
doesn’t want to be held by an exposed Jedi.
Jedi:
Woah woah, i think we’re getting our wires crossed.
Carlfish:
Exposed wiring?
Jedi:
Let me clear it up: I want to be naked and have sex with you, Lolzcat.
What I want is for Apple to make shoes. Because then I’d just have to choose if I want them in black or white, and ultra portable or ultra powerful, and my decision is done
I was wandering around and someone asked me, “Are you going to cover your unmentionables?” Sure enough, I was naked.
Fuck off
clepetit:
I’m disappointed Swoon, you should tell people to fuck off, not apologise
Swoon:
I’m not that kind of guy
Wobin:
Swoon: you should hire hinch to say fuck off for you
Swoon:
that doesn’t seem ethical
hinch:
I’ll do it, I don’t mind
Solid Silver Bullet
Jirra:
It just took two hours to delete one level (of eight) of the images of one of the six Minecraft maps I have. This could take a while.
Carlfish:
Maybe you should ask rhastie for an SSD. I hear they solve everything.
Swoon:
P = NP = SSD
jedi:
WIth zombocom, everything is tractable.
I just tried to offer Michael Seager and Swoon gifts of chocolate but Seager rejected it and Swoon thought I was trying to kill him. This is why I am a jerk; being nice is too hard.
What about a hybrid between a Paladin and a Warlock? A Padlock.
Too literal, too soon.
dennilan:
MTGers, I made a new deck last night! It will rock your balls!
Carlfish:
I do not want a Magic deck rocking my balls.
hinch:
Even if it's gentle, Carlfish?
Carlfish:
♫ Rock-a-bye scrotum in the jockstrap / When the wind blows, my mana will tap. ♫
You need to wire me up in leather.
It worked! After 7 minutes of rubbing, the rhastie genie appears!
One of the section headers on the dev docs homepage reads “I’m writing a plugin and I’m stuck.” I thought it read “I’m writing a plugin and I suck.”
#confluence, again.
nali:
Wait, there is such a thing as a Confluence lab coat?
DonW:
They're from the first lab week.
ryan:
Do we even have lab week any more?
DonW:
No, we have spike week.
DonW:
You're all getting impaled on stakes.
Just one wafer thin mint…
dennilan:
Swoon: grats on the Java developer job!
Swoon:
Thanks! The best part is I get to sick next to chrisdarroch!
Swoon:
I can annoy him even more effectively
Swoon:
Oh… whoops. I wonder why Carlfish just laughed out loud
Carlfish:
I just had this mental image of you turning left and hurling.
Swoon:
“Hey daz, do you mind if I just…. <Blaeeeeegh>”
* chrisdarroch
moves his garbage bin to the right side of his desk
Furries make the Internet go
* dennilan
has been hit on by a girl in a fursuit before.
dennilan:
It was strange.
* dennilan
left that party quickly
dennilan:
*without* the girl
dennilan:
I went home with the fursuit and left the girl there.
Shouting “FIRE!” in a crowded office.
dennilan:
Does anyone know where the Level 16 fire extinguishers are?
Carlfish:
If something’s on fire, maybe you shouldn't be asking on IRC.
dennilan:
I should send an email?
Carlfish:
Maybe. Or update your status on extranet.
Jirra:
You need to ring 0118 899 88199 9119 725.....3
I was thinking maybe arrow dispensers for manual squid clearage.
Rise of the Machines
Jirra:
"FireFox prevented this site from asking you to install software on your computer" - gee thanks FireFox, it didn't even get a chance to ask?
jedi:
"Firefox prevented you from having fun."
jedi:
"Firefox told that boy you like that you're not interested."
Carlfish:
"Firefox won't open that web page until you have eaten all your vegetables."
Jirra:
"FireFox prevented this site from inviting you to a party"
denni:
"Firefox branded you a horrible person"
Swoon:
"Firefox thinks you look fat in that dress"
User Stories
dennilan:
As a plugin, I want to be able to block mail from going to a user based on whether or not my permission scheme (which the host app knows nothing about) reckons they can use the host app.
Jirra:
As a Paladin tank attempting to off-tank Shannox, I would like a mail filter to not send mail to certain users as defined by a predicate supplied by a plugin.
Carlfish:
As a Paladin healer attempting to keep the main tank alive on Shannox, I would like the Confluence mail subsyMY FACE! GET THIS DOG OFF MY FACE!
Paladin + dress = priest
Spoiler: Bruce Willis Dies
Daz:
There was surprisingly little Aerosmith at karaoke yesterday.
ra:
Don't worry. You didn't miss a thing.
From #confluence
brian:
*facepalm*
ra:
*double facepalm*
cdarroch:
*triple facepalm*
anna:
Chris: that's not a facepalm, that's someone slapping you.
Plumbing issues.
Furgin:
The level 16 toilets shit all over the Corn Exchange ones.
Jirra:
That's pretty poor design.
But only when they're green
Furgin:
There is a building outside, and I SWEAR TO GOD that it’s changing colours every time I look at it.
Furgin:
It’s now yellow but I’m sure it was red a minute ago
Hinch:
Is it a traffic light?
Zero Punctuation
slappybag:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rxrRzE6CWs (BF)
jedi:
I enjoyed that slappybag
* Carlfish
hands jedi a comma.
jedi:
I enjoyed that slappybag, Carlfish.
lolzcat: how can I convince you to take off your pants for raids?
A matter of degree.
Furgin:
Josh hates maven more than Carl does.
Carlfish:
That's because maven is made from small bits of satan glued together with the spit of demons.
Furgin:
OK, maybe he doesn't hate it more than you.
Furgin's tastes are .. odd...
Wobin:
furgin:
omg so hot
QA-ing the Human Race.
Carlfish:
I was about to say it's weird I can find the LD50 [Lethal dose for 50% of the population] for salt in rats, but only find the "lowest known lethal dose" for humans. Then I realised what experiments one would have to perform to get the LD50 in humans.
Penny:
I'm sure I could automate it.
;p;
chrisdarroch:
j„. o jsbrm;t ;phhrf on to momrvsgy on a who;r
chrisdarroch:
err,
Carlfish:
We just lost Chris.
chrisdarroch:
sorry, keyboard was a little too far left
Donna:
Tell your boss there’s a scary box for him at reception. It looks like the one from the movie Seven.
Donna:
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!!?!
Charles:
You'll be so embarrassed if it really does turn out to be someone’s head.
According to IDEA, ‘teh’ isn’t a spelling error. But ‘lawls’ is.
Crossed Wires
Moonburn:
Just bear in mind that maintenance usually happens at lunch. :(
* Jirra
reminds everyone there's ice-cream today.
Swoon:
When does the ice-cream thing start?
Jirra:
3pm
* lolzcat
wanted Moonburn's email to read '[Maintenance] MANY SERVICES! HANDLE THEM!'
Jirra:
I want to replace the term 'outage' with 'outrage'
Moonburn:
ice-cream?
Carlfish:
I want to replace the term 'outage' with 'ice-cream'
Carlfish:
"Your server suffered an unscheduled ice-cream" sounds so much nicer.
lolzcat:
I like unscheduled ice-creams
Jirra:
"There will be a scheduled ice-cream from 6pm to 12am on Tuesday.
Moonburn:
Going backwards in time?
Carlfish:
It's the ice-cream Flux Capacitor.
Moonburn:
Where we're going, we don't need ice-cream.
In hindsight, “master.bat” was not the best choice for my build script.
I’d get in a warm blanket with anyone from #anb, except Furgin
<p>Oh dear. I just got a call from a guy at a Telstra call centre, and I could only understand about one word in five.</p> <p>Either my Internet is being installed on Wednesday, or he called me a herring.</p>
rhastie: we totally miscalculated the size of my colossus last night.
She asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he poured her a drink.
Jirra:
Are you all relaxed now you've done your release, Swoon?
Swoon:
Yep!
Jirra:
\o/
I went to go to the bathroom, and I got so confused. There were two doors - ‘M’ for ‘Male’ and ‘F’ for ‘Furgin’. I didn’t know which one to take.
I LOVW YOU SWOONT
Swoon:
Yesterday I got a group invite on MSN Messenger to “Drunk girls online now”!
Carlfish:
That would be annoying. They’d be totally unable to type.
* furgin
needs a V
lolzcat:
"V"
Jirra:
Give me an I!
lolzcat:
I
Jirra:
Give me an O!
lolzcat:
O
Jirra:
Give mea n L!
lolzcat:
L
Jirra:
Give me an E!
lolzcat:
E
Jirra:
Give me an N!
lolzcat:
N
Jirra:
Give me a C!
lolzcat:
C
Jirra:
Give me an E!
lolzcat:
E
Jira:
WHAT DOES IT SPELL?
lolzcat:
VIOLENCE!
Jirra:
\o/
lolzcat:
\o/
Jirra:
We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
Role models for your children.
denni:
What's Project Gotham?
clepetit:
Racing XBox 360 thing. More arcadey-style racing, so it's easier to drive when drunk.
furgin:
Like real driving!
clepetit:
Exactly.
Furgin:
Bouncy bouncy OOOO such a good time!
Furgin:
Swoon knows what im talking about
Cultural Victory
jirra:
I have decided that Civ V was a waste of money and Civ IV is much more fun.
Swoon:
I've change my mind and now prefer Civ V.
jirra:
You are no longer my friend.
* Swoon
declares war on Jirra!
* jirra
denounces Swoon
Swoon:
We can be friends again after 30 turns
jirra:
Your head would look good on the top of a pole! (WAR)
Swoon:
Let's discuss something else…
jirra:
I'll offer you one sheep and one iron for Economics
Swoon:
Times are hard for me. Could you spare some help? (Give technology: Interstaller faster-than-light travel)
jirra:
Sorry, it's no picnic over here either.
Lost in Translation
* lolzcat
is lost in GreenHopper
denni:
I hear Furgin has experience with that.
Carlfish:
I hear that's where ChrisLePetit spends all his days.
ChrisLePetit:
Not all my days. Just the time that's between the start and end of the sprint, and this doesn't include and time logged against child sprints that were released before the start of this sprint, unless it's still got open subtasks marked against this current sprint or it's children.
Why are we here?
jedi:
So how come rhastie is in here? Do you play WoW rhastie?
rhastie:
Why is Chris in here?
Swoon:
I still haven't worked that out.
jirra:
Chris is in here because we can't find the kickban button
Jedi's Hierarchy of Needs
jedi:
i never say no to sexual intimacy, as a rule
Wobin:
Hey Jedi…
jedi:
done, meet me after work
Wobin:
\o/
I wore pants to work today!
Howcome Eric gets Smile and I get Tongue?
Salvation
Jirra:
"[21:51:20.089] Carlfish casts Hand of Salvation on Atlassia" lol lol
lol
lolzcat:
Carl saved you, Jirra. I thought you'd be grateful.
Carlfish:
No, I salved her. Which is slightly more creepy.
lolzcat:
Eww.
You've been spinning for 36:24:09
Jirra:
This serious email to the dev manager is at least 2000 times harder to write with leekspin playing in the background.
ChrisLePetit:
“Regarding the release of JIRA 4.3, I’d a dabby dabby do, bah dareel gadacka dacka doo”
No-one ever admits to being ‘familiar with Perl’ because it often means they’d have to read someone else’s Perl script.
To verify your identity, please answer this security question...
lolzcat:
Who do I ask to get sysadmin permission?
Jirra:
Are you really lolzcat?
Jirra:
A piece of loot has dropped. It is a BoP tanking plate epic. You are on your druid. Do you roll a) Need? b) Greed? c) Disenchant? d) Pass?
lolzcat:
All wrong. I would master loot it to myself.
Jirra:
OK, you are Lolz.
I have done my best to prevent people from ever shipping software
SafeSearch: I’m Feeling Lucky
Jirra:
It is annoying how many penises I get with image search for innocuous keywords with SafeSearch on “strict”
Carlfish:
Protip: chatroulette is not a search engine
ChrisLePetit:
also, remove the keyword “penis”
Jirra:
JIRA is part of Studio, isn’t it your job to make it work?
dennilan:
I’m not in QA. That’s zxu’s job; my job is to make bugs for you guys
Jirra:
You are doing an excellent job
I think that once I’ve navigated around a real cave, Minecraft will never be the same.
Swoon:
Oh shit, I forgot about the team leads meeting.
Carlfish:
Don’t worry, nothing exciting happened.
Swoon:
Oh, good.
Swoon:
Was it round 2 of the [product] stuff?
Carlfish:
I have no idea. I wasn’t there.
Carlfish:
I’m just going by my general theory of meetings.
Knocking sheep off my roof is fun.
I’m a little pony fan
Not really ANB, but…
Carlfish's Mum:
I went up to the Blue Mountains last week and found myself in the middle of a national garden gnome convention.
Carlfish:
A wha…? How do they all get there?
Carlfish's Mum:
They walk, obviously.
Carlfish's Mum:
They're gnomads.
I am a 5’ tall asian school girl.
Jirra:
*Stabs Deadheart for his "could care less" comment
dennilan:
Jirra: that's a very common American thing, I think.
Deadheart:
It is.
JIrra:
Yes, my stabbing list is very long.
Wow, I started typing in ‘wowwiki.com’ instead of 'support.atlassian.com’. I’ve been on holidays for too long.
Carlfish:
Comments on the blizzard site make me weep for the future of humanity.
Carlfish:
“blizz has to mack cooler mounts thy dont mack cool mounts now exsept the oxyian mount”
virtualwolf:
Fuck you, Carlfish. My IQ just dropped several points after reading that.